Yay!!!

I'm so excited about this but I'm not even telling anyone yet. I don't want it ruined for me. He especially will ruin it. He'll have nothing but bad things to say, negative things. He's too selfish to be happy for me.

I'm finally going to do what I've been dreaming of since I was a child. It's going to be the best experience of my life!!!

But all he'll see is me leaving him, living my dream while all he does is talk about his. He'll see me being happy & having fun with someone else & he'll think he lost me.

Truth is he never had me.

(-.-)

still waiting...

I'm waiting. An hour & 15 minutes till I have to go.

I couldn't find the movie I wanted to rent on itunes. Fragments. I should have rented it at blockbuster. I saw it there earlier then decided I was too lazy to have to return it in a couple of days & figured itunes was more convenient.

Except itunes doesn't have a lot of the movies I want. Which isn't at all convenient.

Itunes, you suck.

I just saw a video of Katie Holmes getting punked, it was kind of funny. She was so cute. I would have totally told on the cheating pig. Nah, not really. I would have just gotten up & left & stayed out of it.

I'm so hungry. I've forgotten what food tastes like. I haven't eaten in almost 24 hours & by the time I leave the dentist I'll be in so much discomfort I won't be able to eat. Damn this procedure.

I'm gonna go look up pictures of yummy food I can't eat now.

I love sandwiches. I'll look up pictures of delicious sandwiches oozing melted cheese off the sides of the bread, grilled veggies all toasted & smelling so good.... ahhhhhh.

Why do I torture myself?

(-.-)

Sick day

So I'm feeling good even though I shouldn't. I'm off work because I'm sick but I also feel quite peaceful. I think it's because I almost never call in to work due to sickness, I don't like to burden my employers. The last time I did might have been 2 years ago. It's kind of nice.

I'm going to rent a movie from itunes & relax on my couch & think of nothing but the story unfolding in front of me. Takes me back to high school when I missed 1 or 2 days of school every week just to stay home & watch movies or read all day. I still passed all my classes with excellent grades so that wasn't a problem. I knew how to take advantage of the poor eduction system in California, yes I did.

I can't wait till summer vacation. I'm getting on a plane & going far far away from here.

I won't miss you home.

Well, maybe a little.

I'll have to wait & see.

(-.-)

I hate you today

I hate everything today.

I hate that I couldn't stay in that wonderful dream I was having.

I hate that I can't be alone today.

I hate that you didn't react how I wanted you to.

I hate that I've been called in to work early.

There's a hummingbird outside my window right now. I don't hate that.

Awww, it's tiny & beautiful. I think it's trying to tell me to get the hell over it. It's making me smile.

Alright. I'll make up my mind to get the hell over it then.

Thanks little bird.

(-.-)

Maybe not

Ok so maybe I didn't get addicted to this. Yet. I still might. It's been like 2 weeks I think. Maybe 1. I don't know.

Yesterday I took painkillers twice & I felt all whoozy like I was in space. Better than the PMS cramps though.

I also drank half a gallon of really cold chocolate milk. I do things like this when I'm on my period. It was truly delicious.

I'm not comfortable with how big my boobs are at the moment. They're practically spilling out of my bras. Stupid period. I'm so glad they're not normally like this. I'm really aware of them right now & feel like everyone's looking at them.

I'm sure it's all in my head though.

(-.-)